More Than a Keepsake: How Memory Objects Help Us Carry Love Through Grief

A memory bear made from a favorite flannel. A wedding ring worn long after a spouse has died. A handwritten journal filled with letters for future milestones. These objects may appear ordinary to someone else, but for a grieving person, they can become extraordinary sources of comfort, connection, and healing.

That was the message behind a recent Gilchrist Training Institute, Continuing Bonds in Grief: Transitional Objects, Tasks of Mourning, and Memory-Making Interventions, presented by Gilchrist grief counselors Alexandra “Allie” Wolfing, LCSW-C, and Dawn Tippett, LCSW-C. The workshop explores both the science and the heart behind memory objects, explaining why these tangible reminders are much more than keepsakes. They can become powerful tools that help people navigate one of life’s most difficult journeys.

More Than Memories

“Each person’s grief is as unique as a fingerprint,” Wolfing says, sharing a quote from David Kessler. “But what everyone has in common is that no matter how they grieve, they share a need for their grief to be witnessed.”  While grief is universal, it looks different for every individual. One person may seek comfort by talking about their loved one, while another quietly holds onto a favorite sweater or photograph. Some people find solace in journaling, while others return to familiar songs or treasured heirlooms. There is no right or wrong way to grieve and, perhaps most importantly, there is no timeline.

The workshop introduces the concept of transitional objects, a theory first developed by pediatrician and psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott. He observed that children often formed strong attachments to blankets, stuffed animals, or other cherished objects that helped them feel secure as they gradually became more independent from their primary caregiver.  That same principle can extend into adulthood, particularly after the death of someone we love. “A transitional object helps maintain a connection with the person we’ve lost,” Tippett says. “It can help ease the fear  of forgetting, provide emotional regulation, offer comfort, and become both sensory and symbolically soothing.”

Holding Onto Love

For Tippett, that connection comes through something as simple as one of her father’s flannel shirts. “My father always wore flannel shirts and Old Spice,” she says. “After he died, we put his shirt on the back of his chair and would spray it with Old Spice once in a while. My young children would wrap themselves in it when they were missing him or needed comfort. Just smelling that familiar scent helped them emotionally regulate.”

Wolfing shares a similar story about a stuffed dog she has had since childhood. “If I’m having heightened anxiety or I’m on the verge of a panic attack, I still grab him,” she says. “Holding him reminds me of when my parents would comfort me. It helps ground me and reminds me that I still carry pieces of both of my parents with me.” These objects do not erase grief, but they can provide stability during moments when life feels overwhelming.

Creating Lasting Connections

The workshop also highlights meaningful memory-making activities that clinicians and families can create together before or after a loved one’s death. Some ideas are beautifully simple:

• Photographing family members holding hands
• Recording a loved one’s heartbeat
• Creating hand tracings or hand molds
• Preserving fingerprints in jewelry
• Writing journals or letters for future milestones
• Creating memory boxes filled with meaningful items

Others become treasured heirlooms. Through Gilchrist’s Memory Bear and Memory Pillow Program, volunteer seamstresses lovingly transform a loved one’s clothing into handmade bears and pillows. A pilot’s martial arts uniform becomes a memory bear. A collection of neckties becomes decorative pillows. One family incorporates symbols of birds, Ravens football, Maryland blue crabs, the beach, and family into custom pillows that reflect everything their loved one enjoyed. Each piece is handcrafted with care and designed to preserve not only fabric, but cherished memories.

Wolfing notes that these projects are not right for every family, especially early in grief. “Some people simply can’t imagine cutting into their loved one’s clothing,” she says. “That’s okay. It’s important to meet people where they are.”

Love Doesn’t End

Throughout the grieving process, one message remains constant: grief is deeply personal. Some people wear a wedding ring for months or years after their spouse dies. Others eventually place it on a bedside table when they are ready. Some find comfort speaking to a photograph or sitting beside a gravesite. Others discover healing by creating something new from treasured belongings. None of these experiences are wrong. Instead, they reflect the many ways people continue loving someone whose physical presence is gone but whose influence remains.

As Wolfing reminds participants, grief is not about forgetting. It is about finding ways to carry love forward. Sometimes, that journey begins with something as simple as a favorite flannel shirt, a well-worn teddy bear, or the gentle imprint of a loved one’s hand preserved forever in memory.

Because No One Should Grieve Alone

Gilchrist’s grief support services are available to anyone in our community who is grieving the loss of a loved one, regardless of whether that person received Gilchrist’s care. These programs are offered at little or no cost thanks to the generosity of donors who believe that no one should have to navigate grief alone. If you would like to help ensure compassionate grief support remains available to families throughout our community, please consider making a gift to Gilchrist. To learn more about Gilchrist’s grief counseling and bereavement services, including support groups, individual counseling, children’s grief programs, and educational resources, visit our Grief Program.